rawr :)

:) the site looked different when i logged in.

I hate it when people ask me questions, but i love it when they ask about my bf.

Markel asked me what i was doing & I said I was thinking & he said about what. I said my bf.

He asked me what I think about when I think about him. I said,'' How much i love & miss him, how sweet he can be, the cute things he does, the things hes done for me, times when were together, old conversations, when we first met, etc.''

:) <3 he makes me so happy.

It's almost been a year.. :)

I'm excited

Its just like wow..it doesn't even feel like its been that long..

I hope I get to spend more time with him in 2012.. :)

From Post : :) Sunday, July 17, 2011


Alicia Channy Chandra
Hycle..i love you so much..
Cell GotHustle
and baby i love you with every breath that i breathe


seeing that made me feel alot better.. :)

:(..

ugh..i hate it when me n cell get into arguments..
..sometimes i feel like im not good enough or something..
like im always doing something wrong..everythings always my fault..
i love him so much..
:(

post title

I havn't made a blog post..thing..in a while..
Um..I got to see Cell today :)
I had fun
I miss him :(

Yesterday was Ja'Siahs birthday..
I'm editing a picture and listening to music..
&& thinking..

tired of ppl tellin me all niggas are the same..

You say all niggas the same. You say they don't give a fuck about you at this age. They jus tryna fuck you & leave. They will tell you anything like he will give you the world. He will tell you he loves you..he don't mean it. You say baby girl you know he got anotha bitch on the side. But you tell me, ''you know because your a grown ass man and you were once that age.''
I know niggas that would cry over bitches. Sayin baby come back. Baby I love you. Sayin I want you in my life forever to a bitch and meaning it. He aint lyin.
But you say, ''awh thats just a bitch nigga..''


You say all niggas are the same. You say they jus gon make a fool outta you. They jus gon break your heart. They will rape you. They will lie to you. They will steal from you. They will cheat on you, and some will beat you. you say, ''you just can't trust them Channy.''
But you tell me, ''your grown women..and you know how men work.''

You say ALL niggas.
but..they aren't MY ''nigga''
I don't have a ''nigga''
so..what you have to say doesn't really apply to him..
and even if it would..I would hope you weren't right..
But you say that stuff and you don't know him.
But you just know all ''niggas'' are the same.

... :'(

I feel so sad..
I dont wanna lose Cell..
I love him so much..
I dont know what I would do without him..
I feel empty just thinking about it..
When I woke up this morning I started thinking about our convo. last night..
When my heart started hurting it didnt feel right..like something was missing..and there was..
I used to be able to kinda see my heart it was like an outline..there was only a little piece left..and when I was thinking it felt like the piece was gone..and i started to cry..
I know how stupid that sounds..
When I was with Cell I was always happy or in a ''good mood''..
I miss that..I miss always being happy..I miss being with him..i miss him in general..
I want him to trust me..
I want him to believe me when I say I dont remember..
I dont want him to think I'm a liar..
Its funny..
I've never stressed over a guy
I've never cried this much over a guy
I've never lost sleep over a guy
I've never been with one guy without thinking about another.
I've never actually listened to any guy
I've never cared this much about a guy..I would usually just say fuck it whatever..on to the next..but I dont want to talk to anyone..I've been ignoring most guys the only one i msg bck or answer the phone to most of the the time is Ebed.
He said he was gonna be my first everything.. lol i think hes doing a good job..and I do want him to be my first everything..and I'm glad he was the first..and I want him to be my last..

:)

I stopped talking to Hudhaifa because he was messing with me & Cell..

But um..his stat today was..
Hudhaifa Huddy Muhammad
As much as I've Gone Through
An You Still Dont Care
Dos De Octubre No More
comments:
Alicia Channy Chandra
Dos De Octubre,,Ese dia era todo para mi
im not gonna stop talking to Cell just because your upset..
and you say ''as much as you have gone through'' ..tht aint shit compared to what you put me through.. ''/

It made me laugh.. :) so..yea..

But anyway ..

Alicia Channy Chandra
Hycle..i love you so much..
Cell GotHustle
and baby i love you with every breath that i breathe
:')
That was the sweetest thing hes ever said to me.. <3
Hycle Ramadan Siddiq Miles I love you..you have my heart..you mean everything to me.. <3

:(

:(
I dont know what to say anymore..
:'(..
I hate going to bed crying..

...

I didn't love.
I didn't trust.
I didn't care.
I didn't cry.
because I was taught not to .
If I did I had to be alone or secretive about it .
I get why I was taught not to do those things..like..its finally hitting me rite now .
I was gonna go bck to tht after me n Hudhaifa broke up but then I met Cell .
Idk if I wanna go back to everything yet..
I might just because I'm hurting everyday && I don't like the pain..
I feel stressed..I have too much on my mind..
:(..damn

:(

ugh..I feel so sick :(
4th of July is tomorrow . .idk where im going yet ..
i dnt even wanna do fireworks.. :(
ill probably go see the white side of my family ..cuz i dnt feel like bein yelled at or having a million talks..
my head hurts..
just got done doing Colby's nails..i have to do her hair in the morning..''/
I'm tired..&& I miss Cell.. :(